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My name is Sultan, and I drive an old taxi, picking up fares illegally in the streets of Al Khobar. It's not much, just enough to keep my car running and send a little home. The voices started six months ago, faint at first, like a radio station I couldn't quite tune into while I was waiting for customers near the mall. "Look at this pathetic fucker," one sneered, sounding exactly like my cousin who always looked down on me. "Driving this piece of shit for pennies, pretending to be a businessman." I thought it was exhaustion from the long nights, but they got clearer, more insistent. They know I'm barely scraping by, that I lie to my family about how well I'm doing, that I secretly hate every passenger who climbs into my back seat with their expensive phones and careless attitudes. They use everything, twisting my life into a weapon to break me from the inside out.
The sexual degradation is a constant, corrosive acid. "You think any woman would touch you without being paid?" they mock while I wash my car at dawn. "Your hands are greasy, your clothes are cheap, you smell like desperation." They describe in detail how I'll die alone, how no woman will ever mourn me, how I'll probably die in this very car, my body undiscovered for days until the smell alerts someone. Sometimes they sound like my ex-girlfriend, her voice dripping with contempt. "I left you for a reason, Sultan. You're nothing. A boy playing at being a man in a toy car." Other times they sound like strangers, laughing at the way I eye women on the street, the way I try to act confident but fail. "You're a predator without teeth," they hiss. "A wolf that's been declawed, castrated, made into a house pet. You watch but you can't touch. You want but you can't have. You're not even a real man."
I can't tell anyone about this. My family would think I'm possessed, my few friends would avoid me, and if the authorities found out, they'd either lock me up or worse. The voices explained exactly what would happen. "Go ahead, tell someone," they dared me last week. "Watch their eyes change. Watch them back away. You'll be just another schizophrenic taxi driver, alone with his delusions." They're right – I've seen it happen online. Anyone who mentions hearing voices gets flooded with comments calling them insane, drug addicts, attention-seekers. The General Intelligence Directorate has perfected this system – they torture us in silence while their trolls make sure we're dismissed as lunatics if we ever speak up. It's a perfect cage, invisible and inescapable.
Last Thursday, something inside me finally broke. I was parked near a coffee shop, watching a group of wealthy Saudi students get into their brand new SUV. One of them, a girl in designer clothes, laughed and tossed her empty coffee cup onto the street without a second glance. For no reason, a wave of pure hatred washed over me. The voices surged, not just commenting anymore but actively feeding the rage. "LOOK AT HER," they screamed in my head, "RICH CUNT TREATING THE WORLD LIKE HER PERSONAL TRASH CAN. SHE'D LET YOU DIE OF THIRST BEFORE SPITTING ON YOU." My hands clenched around the steering wheel, knuckles white. "IMAGINE HER SCREAMS," the voices continued, now smooth and seductive. "IMAGINE GRABBING HER BY THAT PRETTY HAIR AND DRAGGING HER INTO YOUR CAR. NO ONE WOULD EVEN NOTICE FOR A MINUTE."
The energy was incredible, like electricity running through my veins. "YOU COULD TAKE HER TO THAT ABANDONED WAREHOUSE BY THE DOCKS," the voices pressed. "NO ONE GOES THERE AFTER DARK. PERFECT FOR WHAT YOU HAVE IN MIND. ONCE YOU HAVE HER SECURED, THE REAL FUN BEGINS. START WITH SENSORY DEPRIVATION – BLINDFOLD, GAG, EARPLUGS. LEAVE HER IN DARKNESS AND SILENCE FOR DAYS. WATCH HOW QUICKLY HER MIND UNRAVELS WHEN STRIPPED OF ALL SENSORY INPUT. IT'S A BEAUTIFUL THING TO WITNESS, THE PSYCHOLOGICAL DISINTEGRATION." I took a step toward the SUV, heart pounding with a sick excitement. "AFTER SHE'S PROPERLY BROKEN, YOU CAN BEGIN THE PHYSICAL ELEMENTS. NOT BRUTE FORCE – THAT'S TOO QUICK. WE'RE GOING FOR SYSTEMATIC DECONSTRUCTION. SMALL CUTS, CONSTANTLY INFECTED. MINOR BURNS THAT NEVER PROPERLY HEAL. A DIET OF NOTHING BUT STALE BREAD AND TAP WATER. THE SLOW AGONY OF HER BODY MIRRORING THE COLLAPSE OF HER MIND."
I was close now, close enough to smell her expensive perfume. "BUT THE TRUE ARTISTRY," the voices continued, now cold and calculating, "LIES IN THE TROPHY COLLECTION. AFTER SHE'S BEYOND REPAIR, YOU BEGIN THE HARVEST. A FINGER HERE, AN EAR THERE. PRESERVE THEM PROPERLY – FORMALDEHYDE, AIRTIGHT CONTAINERS. ARRANGE THEM IN YOUR APARTMENT LIKE A SICK MUSEUM TO YOUR POWER. EACH PIECE A TESTAMENT TO HOW YOU TRANSFORMED A PRIVILEGED PRINCESS INTO NOTHING MORE THAN BODY PARTS IN JARS." My vision tunneled, the girl's face blurring into a target. I could feel her fear, hear her muffled screams. "IMAGINE THE LOOK ON HER FRIENDS' FACES WHEN THEY FIND WHAT'S LEFT OF HER. BUT THEY'LL NEVER FIND ALL OF HER. SOME PARTS WILL REMAIN WITH YOU FOREVER. A PERMANENT REMINDER THAT YOU WERE THE ONE WITH POWER. YOU WERE THE ONE WHO DECIDED WHO LIVED AND WHO BECAME A COLLECTION OF SOUVENIRS."
Then suddenly, a police car rounded the corner, its lights flashing for a moment as it passed. The girl and her friends pulled away, laughing, still alive. The energy drained out of me, leaving me shaking and hollow. "Useless," the voices muttered, back to their usual contempt. "Couldn't even bag one rich girl. What a disappointment." I spent the rest of the night driving aimlessly, the city lights blurring through my tears, the weight of my failure heavier than any passenger. Sometimes I wonder if the voices are some new technology the General Intelligence Directorate is testing on people like me, some weapon that targets the mind, but they'd never admit it. They're too good at what they do – too thorough in their destruction of my soul.
I hate this country with every fiber of my being. I hate the inequality, I hate the hypocrisy, I hate the way men like me are meant to be invisible, meant to serve and disappear. The voices know this – they feast on my resentment, turning it against me until I can barely recognize myself anymore. Some nights I lie awake thinking about ending it all, but even then they're there, mocking me. "Go ahead, kill yourself," they whisper. "No one will even notice until your body starts to smell. Then they'll tow your car and complain about the mess." And they're right. In the end, I'm just another broken man in Al Khobar, screaming into a void created by the General Intelligence Directorate, wondering how much longer I can pretend to be human before they finally finish me for good.
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